Seems like everything around me has the same message to relay,
"Enjoy the present moment. Live in the present moment. Appreciate the present moment."
I truly yearn too.
I yearn to be able to close my eyes and only envision tiny stars along with thoughtless
clouds.
To appreciate where I am currently in life and love every moment of it.
To live day by day and disregard the past and future.
But heavy is my insomnia,
and heavy are my thoughts of a fruitless future and a guilt full past, along with all other unfulfilled dreams and desires .
Its usually during my walk from the bus stop to work, that I find slight peace.
The wind blows lightly on my face to remind me that I am currently in the present and the peace in my heart rings like the loudest bell ever heard.
This one moment in time will be a memory in less than a few seconds.
Other days I find its a strangers smile that reminds me I am in the present moment,
but all these things happen momentarily and then I find my mind revert back to thoughts of the future and past.
Worries and anxiety that everything I currently have in life is meaningless,
That nothing is where Id like it to be,
That I don't have a consistency ,
That I have failed not only myself but others,
And most importantly that I cant do anything to change it.
I need things to be alright now, I need my life to be in order now, I need to fix things now,
I want to work on things now, I want the answers to my questions now,
But none of these things I want now are in my hands.
None of them are in my control .
None but one,
Appreciating the present moment.
As simple as that solution is,
Is as simple as the following question I will ask:
How?
Its not simple. Its a day to day struggle. Its waking up everyday and convincing yourself that nothing else matters but your very actions at that very moment.
It seems that I read and realize what it is I need to do.
Its like taking in a fresh breath of air on a hot summer day,
That light breeze that appears out of no where.
How do you keep that emotion? that passion to appreciate everything you currently have in the present moment?
Are we all bond to live our lives asking how? over thinking our actions and worrying about why we cant have or do certain things?
As I sit here and type am I not wasting the precious present moment I was granted worrying and wondering how to go about and appreciate it all?
Where are my actions and why do they fall short to my thoughts?
What is it that I lack that pushes me towards my anxieties and worries?
Where can I find that peace in my heart to love and just live for loving and not that
romance in my life type of love, but love for all things, myself, the complexities of life, my family, the earth, my friends, complete strangers....
Where does love for all things weigh in heavier than any unresolved question?
Instead I'm stuck in this place where I struggle to understand why its so hard to just live and be,
why I cant be content with all the questions I have on my shoulders,
why I need to pin point where my heart lies in regards to my future endeavors,
why I seem to need love, when I already have pure and unconditional love from my family and friends.
What is to dream then?
Is it not torture in its self?
To dream is to wish and desire things you do not have in the current moment.
In some cases to place yourself out of the current moment.
I suppose that is the answer to why I cant find myself in the present moment.
I dream,
I am a dreamer,
I desire deeply,
I weigh life heavily on wants rather then needs.
Is this where I have gone wrong?
Must I eliminate dreams all together from my life?
I need an answer as to why I cant live in the present moment, why its a struggle, why my appreciation comes and goes unexpectedly like the light wind breeze.
But should I really be looking for an answer? Or simply asking less of the world and keeping my eyes open like that of a new born child trying to learn as much as I can from this new world.
Is that not an answer in itself?
And as I write and reread over this I feel that I can hear that loud bell of peace ringing in my heart.
Ive done it today,
Ive appreciated the present moment, with all my questions, with all my troubles.
Must I write and read things every day that relay to appreciate today?
When will it become second nature?
Faith must have something to do with it all...
but that's another story in itself like dreams and achievement,
like self esteem and forgiveness,
does any of this make sense at all?
I could go on and continue to question myself,
But I suppose really the best way is to take it one day at a time,
and remind myself every day that although none of it makes sense,
although none of my questions have yet to be answered,
the beauty lies within that.....
7 comments:
I yearn to be able to close my eyes and only envision tiny stars along with thoughtless
clouds.
good imagery...i could see everything you were saying.
self relfecting is good. you're getting there.
Self-reflection is necessary and good.Merry Christmas Eiehua...wishing you a peace and love filled year:)
Most of Paulo Coelho's other books are of the same theme as that of The Alchemist. But do read Eleven Minutes. It is an extraordinary read and a lot different from other books. It is closer to life and deals with important social issues.
Dear Eiehua (if that is your name),
I am glad to see that you are into reading and want to read more. Reading is becoming a dying art these days. It is good to see that you are into reading. ‘Eleven Minutes’’ is a must read and so is By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept’. ‘Eleven Minutes’ is a very important book as it teaches a lot on love, dreams and sexuality. It goes into the depth of sadomasochism as well as pure love. It feels good that you have been able to appreciate it.
You can go on reading as much as you want and whatever you want. Taste different kinds of books and do not restrict yourself to classics. I personally prefer fact to fiction. Fact is closer to life and is much more bizarre. Read the lives of great men and women. You will know of everything from love to sexuality, from dreams to nightmares, from joy to sorrow, from particle physics to charity. I suggest you to go for biographies. Then read classics.
Happy reading!
hi ter!
dropped in from Subhanjan's blog....on reading the comments on Paulo Coelho's work..!
interesting read all of his books..tho ter is similarity in most of his books..!
Do check out 'Veronika decides to die' too..another of his diff works...!
hey n i havn't read thro any of ur posts yet...kind of longish..wil visit again to read sometime soon..
by the way,liked the Misha Gordin quote on the blog header..!
Beautiful post. Whether we accept or not, but everything is right here, right now, just as it is. That's why we're all alive, that's why we can love, we can cry.
Thank you.
With palms together,
Uku
Thank you very much for taking time to read my post. I think the most difficult thing is to accept that idea. Everything is right here right now, just as it is. It requires alot of practice, but less thought and more action.
Thanks again.
Post a Comment