Life Plan, Distractions and Miracles

What is the Perfect Teaching?

The perfect teaching is the one before you. Richard Baker Roshi once told of a dream he had: He was trying to find the answer to a question, and the telephone rang. He ignored the phone and focused instead on the question. On the 30th ring he picked up the phone, and the answer came to him through the receiver. What he had labeled a distraction was really the point.

Dairyu Michael Wenger


I enjoy it when simple things speak volumes to me
How everyone has there own interpretation of things.

I started reading this and it didn't make much sense or even mean anything to me until the I read the following sentence....what he had labeled a distraction was really the point.....instantly my mind was flooded with thoughts about how this simple sentence applies to where I am currently in life. I always find moments like this to be miracles....what you need to hear or read without you realizing that you needed it in the first place. When it comes a rush of relief streams over and a strange comfort is felt all over. A general feeling of peace....like god directly whispering in your ear "Everything will be okay" .....

It seems like "the life plan" is always being rewritten and rearranged...rather then dwell on the idea that these things that "come-up" are distractions from "the life plan" I think its important to realize that they might just led down to a path of happiness you never saw coming or expected. Growing up, art was always a "distraction", at least according to my parents. Many years I spent wondering what it is I want to do with my life...What I could pursue as a career that would truly make me happy.

A career in art never crossed my mind because of the "distraction" mind set I had.....Letting go of the idea of art being a distraction I realized that it was the answer I was seeking...the endless hours spent worrying about not having a plan or having no career goals were a complete waste of time, because the entire time I always had the answer....

Be Open....never allow your mind to set limits....

Happy Feelin's - Maze feat. Frankie Beverly

Keep Moving Forward

The Remedy for Fear

One of the methods for working on our deepest fears is to consider that they have been produced by our past actions. Then, depending on whether the object of your fear is emotional suffering or physical pain, examine it well and ask yourself whether there is any remedy for it. If there is, why be afraid? If there is nothing you can do, then there is even less point in worrying about it. There is also another approach, which entails looking for the person who is afraid. Look at the nature of yourself. Where is it?

–His Holiness the Dalai Lama XIV, from The Dalai Lama’s Little Book on Inner Peace (Element)


Fear is never far and sadly it moves a lot of us more so then encouragement and confidence do.
I find it interesting that as children we don't seem to have these fears at first, its with each year that we turn we add a new fear. In kindergarten we are introduced into the idea of becoming accepted into a "group", quickly we learn our differences and see them negatively. These encounters are what we like to call "lessons". But rather then learning that our differences are our strengths we dwell on the idea that individuality is a weakness, so we grow fear, rather then grow confidence .We become weary of our every step and spend countless hours rethinking and questioning our actions, believing them to be mistakes and errors. Seldom is a lesson truly learned because we spend so much time dwelling on the idea of failure...
how we failed,
that we failed,
what we could have done to prevent the failure,
that we will fail again
that we shouldn't try again
This is what moves us away from those dreams and goals we started developing as children. Yet we are the only ones preventing ourselves from achieving those or any goals. Another person could easily tell us "You aren't good enough for this....You just wont do well.....Your just wasting your time....etc" but ultimately we run our own journey. It is our decision to listen to those voices and have them dwell and resonate throughout our mind and body. It is our decision to allow those voices to lead our thoughts, our actions, and our decisions. And it is those same voices that become that fear we hold within.....that fear that comes out as excuses, as reasons to doubt and reasons to hold back from placing your best effort into any situation. We waste our own time convincing ourselves that we aren't good enough. Pushing people and possibilities away....

Not to long ago I watched a movie with my younger brother. I excepted it to be a typical Disney movie....but what I learned from the this simple children's movie has stayed with me...I've included a clip below....keep moving forward regardless of anything. Always continue to move forward...no fears, no doubts, no assumptions, no excuses, keep moving forward...

"Lewis: I don't even know what I'm doing.
Wilbur: Keep moving forward.
Lewis: I mean, this stuff is way too advanced for me.
Wilbur: Keep moving forward.
Lewis: And what if I can't fix this, what are we going to do?
Wilbur: Keep moving forward."

Excuses meant to be.

Direct.
Simple.
I've heard it every year of my life.
Maybe more then 222 times per year.
more, then less,
Sometimes it comes from me, to me.
Travels from the hope I have somewhere in my soul,
warms my heart with faith
and cools my brain.
My eyes read it,
my ears hear it,
The wind of words from family and friends blow it,
"What's meant to be will be"
"What's meant to be will be"
it blows.
Blows, from me to me.
From them to me.
For me from them
it blows in me.
An excuse to forget the past
An excuse to move on to the future
An excuse to let go...

Some excuses are meant to be.

- L.V.A

What makes it so difficult to believe in the following line "whats meant to be will be"

Personally its the idea that we have no control over whats to happen, No say, but our actions, that once committed cannot be taken back, can an action side track you from "whats meant to be"? ....I'd like to think so....but part of that is still the idea of needing to control life. The need to bend things to how you want them to turn out...

I wanted to take the time to reflect on the phrase. I did some googling and only came up with cute love stories and "never give up on love" quotes. I decided I'd find my own meaning to the phrase and I realize it asks the following:

...it asks to let go
...it asks for mindfulness.
...it asks for you to live in the present....to be aware of every move now because you have no control over the future.
...it asks for complete faith in yourself to be okay with the decisions you will make and the paths you will take. The paths and decisions might seem like sacrifices or bad decisions at first but if you have faith in yourself and in knowing "whats mean to be will be", you can be open to that personal growth you need and a step closer to seeing that true happiness you've always had within.

Taking a deep breath and let go of the "control"....

Y...Cantado por Eydie Gorme y Los Panchos

Side note: I could listen to this type of baladas all day...loving to the soul.....

Its Kind of Like....

.........Walking into a second story house, the upper level does not have walls, instead it has crystal clear windows, no roof just crystal clear windows....the house sits on top of a very high mountain, which makes you feel like you live in between the clouds. The upper level room is empty, no chairs no furniture, nothing but open space to mediate and full your soul with clarity....this room makes you feel complete with the universe, it makes you feel like you are in heaven..and when the sunsets you believe that you have everything you need and the day can end, your life can end, and you would be completely satisfied....the stars come out and you have never experienced them this close to you...you feel as though someone has given you a cloud on which to ride on...and you are in complete bliss...to you there is no world outside of this room...and the windows do not make you feel like your boxed in but like your free to come and go as you please......your body....your heart...your soul...and your mind....all is fulfilled all is satisfied....

but....

......The house isn't complete....the floor of the upper level has not been finished....and any step taken on that uneasy, unfinished floor, could break the floor and send you crashing down....the risk is a fall that would kill you....a fall from which you certainly would not be able to recover from...you think to yourself should I continue to expose myself like this for this feeling of bliss..for this feeling of satisfaction , complete utter happiness and soul thirst quenching feeling? Your mind begins to no longer enjoy the bliss of this room because it now thinks of the dangers involved, of the consequences that could arise...the room no longer has that mind clarity bliss and you can hear the house builders whispering in your ear "The floor is not secure, it will break and you will fall, you will fall and experience an immense amount of pain...if the fall does not kill you instantly....little by little your heart begins to understand the risks involved too....and its kind of like that...

Yet....

The thing many people don't understand is that you don't give up on this room...you don't give up the bliss...you work to build a stronger floor...you work towards making it so strong a group of 30 elephants could live on the floor....you work towards that...you don't walk away...and you don't let your heart give up on such a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction....you dont silence your soul....

***On the very random I have epiphanies during my daily run...yesterday the above thought came to my mind along with another...the other thought was the following:

"You can't expect to trust someone, if you don't trust yourself first"

I know this thought may not be new ...it might be old as dirt....but for me it was like opening a window in a dark room...

enjoy the randomness along with some tunes...

Miles Davis- Flamenco Sketches

Side Note: I wonder why Mr.Davis named this piece Flamenco Sketches...possible new blog post topic?...I think so....until then what do you think?

Flow

My thoughts flow better in spanish....even if my spelling and grammar is way off...

Tengo ganas de hacerlo todo! De empacar mis maletas y ir me lejos...No por la razon que estoy corriendo de la realidad sino por la razon que mis piensamientos viven en una ciudad lejos de aqui...

Como poder encontrar los si no empaco mis maletas y hecho para delante....un pie a la ves. Y me pongo a piensar....estoy corriendo de la realidad...de la responsabilidad de crear mis planes del futuro...tengo miedo de sentarme a piensar en lo que quiero de la vida...lo que quiero darle al mundo...porque encuentro que realmente NO SE!! No SE nada...es un confecion que hace mi corazon palpitar como un colibrí en vuelo....y siento que no puedo respirar...quiero correr en un abismo negro y oscuro sin que nadien sepa de mi...de que fui o no fui....tengo miedo que no sere nada mas de lo que yo pienso que soy....tantas dudas....tengo mas dudas de mi person, de mi futuro, de mis propios piensamientdos; que dudas del mundo o de la gente....quiero mucho pero tengo un miedo que no merezco nada....tengo miedo de dicer que merezco lo mejor del mundo, porque mi mente siente que soy nada...nada de valor...nada de nada...miedo...que palabra tan horrible...que palabra tan dezastrosa....

but letting go of all that....I want the color of my suit case to be black...I dont want to carry to much...in fact I'd just like to take with me my camera and a few selected photographs of my family and friends, and that one photo of you with that smile of yours... Y vamon0s!

Writing Prompt-You Outta Know-Kids

Happy Friday!

We’re going to be doing something new with our writing prompts. As you’ve probably noticed, most of our prompts are posted on Fridays. Moving forward, each Tuesday we will feature one of the responses from the previous week’s writing prompt.

Please note: By submitting a comment with your link, we assume that you are okay with your post possibly being featured on the site (with full credit). If, however, you’d rather your submission not be considered for feature, please leave a note along with your comment saying so. No hard feelings, we promise!

On with the show! This week’s writing prompt: You Outta Know

Make a list of 5 things that you would want your children to know. (Credit: Michael)

*Remember to create a blog post responding to this prompt and then come back here to leave us the URL to your post. If you do not want your post to be considered for the “Tuesday Featured Response” spot, then please make a note in your comment.

Thanks for your continued support!


Dear Future Kids,

Here is a List of five things I want you to know...

1. LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
2. To handle yourself, use your head...To Handel others, use your heart. Always listen to your heart, never your pride, anger or sadness, those things will only blind you...I quote buddah "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"
3. Being hurt is part of life.... The hardest thing is to believe people when they show you that they are assholes,because we all have that undying hope and faith in love, but please please believe people when they show you they are assholes, and brush yourself off, thank them for the memories and move on BUT never give up on love...Life is to short for you to waste your time and your heart.
4. Your mother, future brothers and sisters and future other parent along with loads of cousins and uncles love you...you have all the love you need around you....look to the sky for love from god...look to us for love from ground level and especially look inside yourself for that complete and fulfilling love...you are the only one that can fulfill that...No thing or person can do that but you..
5. Last but not least always have compassion and forgiveness in your heart...no matter how many times people may wrong you or use you...always live with compassion and forgiveness in your heart..

Well that's it, cant wait to meet you kids someday in the future...promise not to give me such a hard time though....Thanks...

With all my Love,

Your Future Mom

True Inspiration.

I am still trying to get over the fact that I was allowed to be in the presence of such greatness....still in AWE! Enjoying my Nikki high :D

Video Above is Mrs.Giovanni Reading :

Deal or No Deal

My class is not sure
That I should apply to Deal or No Deal

They think I am lucky
After all
I am teaching
Them

They know I am smart they are
For example
learning
yet

They don't want to see me
Make those greedy mistakes
And push beyond
The envelope

The banker is neither friend
Nor foe
He's a machine

To think you can beat him
Is to think you will win
At Vegas or love

But I persist

My dream is a red dress
Above my knees
High-heel red sandals
And me coming over the top
The music booming
Hi Howie I will say
With a lovely smile

I don't want to play the game
I want to be it

They were born forty years after me
Yet I am younger

I know you cannot go
Through life
Unless you are willing
For love or money
To make a fool
Of yourself

Where else does the ecstasy
lie

Everything Good is SimpleEverything good is simple: a soft-boiled egg...toast fresh from the oven with a part of butter swimming in the center...steam off a cup of black coffee...John Coltrane bringing me "Violets for My Furs"

Most simple things are good: Lines on a yellow legal pad...dimples defining a smile...a square of gray cashmere that can be a scarf...Miles Davis Kind of Blue

Some things clear are complicated: believing in a religion...trying to be a good person...getting rid of folk who depress you...Horace Silver Blowing the Blues Away

Complicated things can be clear: Dvorak's New World Symphony...Alvin Ailey's Revelations...Mae Jemison's ride in space...Mingus Live at Carnegie Hall

All things good are good: poetry...patience..a ripe tomato on the vine...a bat in flight..the new moon...me in your arms...things like that




Mrs.Giovanni Reading: Migrations

Space, Sun, N.Giovanni

On my Nikki Giovanni high I can't stop from sharing the goodness.....

From Blues :For All The Changes


Sound in Space

It's as if you've been invited to the White House and you know you are going to smile so you want your teeth to be bright and you brush and brush but because you have a partial plate you are mostly brushing your gums and quite naturally since you want to look fabulous and make the first lady green with envy because you have on your only designer suit and a blouse that if you were honest you actually cant afford but the girl in Saks was so nice and the girl who approved the charge heard the panic in your voice and she, after all, had never been invited to the White House and what's more probably never would be so she said: "Why, yes" I will approve this charge but do you think you might want to pay us something this month and you said: "Absolutely" because you do want to pay something it's just that Saks runs up against Nordstrom's and Neiman Marcus not to mention food and shelter so yes absolutely you want to but maybe you will and maybe you can't and that's what's so hard for people to understand...that distance between want and able, you know? and that's what we need to talk about

So, of course, I remember Lena Horne singing "Polka Dots and Moonbeams" and my Grandmother being totally delighted with the RCA Victor TV and her saying to Grandpapa: "We better get Nikki up because Lena Horne is on TV" and me not quite knowing who Lena Horne was at that point though now recognizing that she is a great lady who fought long and hard for Civil Rights who is also a lady of Delta Sigma Theta and who looks so fabulous in Gap jeans that all the world now wants to be eighty years old and look that good so The Gap was very smart to ask to photograph Lena in those jeans and who was very kind to me when I began my career and who has remained very kind but that is not the point of her being on TV when very few Black people were on television whether or not they were very talented and haven't we come a long way though quite naturally we have a bit of a way to go but my grandmother , you see, always said : If you earn a dollar save a dime and its not that my grandfather in any way disagreed but he was more casual about needing and having so I'm sure it was Grandmother who saved for the RCA Victor TV and even at that I have to acknowledge that she was so intrigued with Nipper that even if it had done nothing more than show the dog responding to "His Master's Voice" Grandmother would have thought she had made a good purchase though the TV also bought us Lena Horne so Grandmother was a believer and so am I and that too is a bit off the point only because it was Billie Holiday who sang the definitive " I Wished on the Moon ( for something I never knew)" and to hear her sing like even though because of dumb restrictive drug rules that punished some people for some drugs though not others for other she would never be on television which was a total loss to those of us who wished on the moon while observing strange fruits that travel light and we knew hearing Holiday moan that the moon granted wishes so I started singing thinking if I could throw a note high enough and strong enough there would be the possibility that it would be heard somewhere in space and that is what I want to talk about here

Science teaches us that there is no sound in space and I think that's hogwash because if there is no sound in space how will all those wishes get up to the moon and anyone with an ounce of sense knows science fiction is much better than science fact because science fact tried to prove things like Thomas Jefferson wasn't diddling Sally Hemmings and everybody knows people diddle people all the time especially when they can't say no so yes there is sound in space and a large part of it says: I love you in a lot of different ways and when the language is unknown to the hearer other people say things like that is gibberish but love can never be gibberish....foolish for sure...silly you bet but the basis of all relationships is love which is then followed by trust and not the other way around because if trust was the basis there would be world peace and safe international travel but what I want to point out since it is always so important to do something useful is that you should, quite naturally, floss and nickels and dimes have a relationship with dollars and sense but not halves and quarters and machines that tell you deposit more money and Good Luck when it isn't luck that you need but better science which can explain how and why when all it said and done we are left with this density that forces us to recognize the Eagle Nebula is falling into itself and will one day be a planet though mostly we will not be around to see it and then there are those troublesome Black holes which are so totally fascinating though no one can exactly put their finger on what makes them so important and I am here to tell you I know: the density of a Black whole does not prevent light from escaping but rather that once light encounters the black hole it finds such beauty and peace and comfort it no longer needs to search which is another word for love...and I do

Warning: I just began the book so expect more posts on Giovanni

Blame it On The Sun

Bicycles

To end April I would like to share some beautiful poems by Nikki Giovanni. The first two poems are taken from her most recent book - Bicycles: Love poems. Within her book she states the following

"Bicycles: because love requires trust and balance"

This truly resonated within me and provided me with much reflection....funny how such a simple sentence can provide such a soulful impact. The power of words is truly breath taking..... I hope everyone enjoys....

If Only

If I had never been in your arms
Never danced that dance
Never inhaled your slightly sweaty odor

Maybe I could sleep at night

If I had never held your hand
Never been so close
To the most kissable lips in the universe
Never wanted ever so much
To rest my tongue in your dimple

Maybe I could sleep at night

If I wasnt so curious
About whether or not you snore
And when you sleep do you cuddle your pillow
What you say when you wake up
And if I tickle you
Will you heartedly laugh

If this enchantment
This bewilderment
This longing
Could cease

If this question I ache to ask
Could be answered

If only I could stop dreaming of you

Maybe I could sleep at night.

Migrations

When the sun returns
To the arctic circle
from its winter rest

The grasses sprout
seducing the winged
and the hoofed

Polar bears and their cubs
must flee
Before the ice
breaks up

Although others begin
a northern journey

The Snow Goose Flies
from the Gulf of Mexico
to mate and birth her young

Two million Mongolian Gazelles move
over the tundra where each gives birth
at the same time defying
the will of predators
who would consume
the gazelles' future

Though only, of course
to provide nourishment
for their own
young predators

Lets not judge
too harshly

Salmon swim upstream
jumping falls
and grizzly bears

Grasshoppers
ignoring the advice
Of ants
make music
to celebrate
Winter's end

Monarch butterflies
leaving the safety
Of Zinhuatanejo
forge north
Beginning the longest winged journey
of spring

With only the hope of warmth
and the promise of grasses
They unflinchingly face:
Hunger
Thirst
Predators
Winds
Rains
Uncertainties

As would I
For You

Balances

in life
one is always
balancing
like we juggle our mothers
against our fathers
or one teacher
against another
(only to balance our grade average)
3 grains of salt
to one ounce truth
our sweet black essence
or the funky honkies down the street
and lately I've begun wondering
if you re trying to tell me something
we used to talk all night
and do things alone together
and I've begun
(as a reaction to a feeling)
to balance
the pleasure of loneliness
against the pain
of loving you

Resignation

I love you
because the Earth turns round the sun
because the North wind blows north
sometimes
because the Pope is Catholic
and most Rabbis Jewish
because winters flow into spring
and the air clears after a storm
because only my love for you
despite the charms of gravity
keeps me from falling off the Earth
into another dimension
I love you
because it is the natural order of things
I love you
like the habit I picked up in college
of sleeping through lectures
or saying I'm sorry
when I get stopped for speeding
because I drink a glass of water
in the morning
and chain-smoke cigarettes
all through the day
because I take my coffee Black
and my milk with chocolate
because you keep my feet warm
through my life a mess
I love you
because I don't want it
any other way
I am helpless
in m love for you
It makes me so happy
to hear you call my name
I am amazed you can resist
locking me in an echo chamber
where your voice reverberates
through the four walls
sending me into spasmatic ecstasy
I love you
because it's been so good
for so long
that if I didn't love you
I'd have to be born again
and that is not a theological statement
I am pitiful in my love for you
The Dells tell me Love
is so simple
the thought though of you
sends indescribably delicious multitudinous
thrills throughout and through-in my body
I love you
because no two snowflakes are alike
and it is possible if you stand tippy-toe
to walk between the raindrops
I love you
because I am afraid of the dark
and can't sleep in the light
because I rub my eyes
when I wake up in the morning
and find you there
because you with all your magic powers were
determined that
I should love you
because there was nothing for you but that
I would love you
I love you
because you made me
want to love you
more than I love my privacy
my freedom my commitments
and responsibilities
I love you `cause I changed my life
to love you
because you saw me one Friday
afternoon and decided that I would
love you
I love you I love you I love you

Love Is

Some people forget that love is
tucking you in and kissing you
"Good night"
no matter how young or old you are

Some people don't remember that
love is
listening and laughing and asking
questions
no matter what your age

Few recognize that love is
commitment, responsibility
no fun at all
unless

Love is
You and me

Habits
i haven't written a poem in so long
i may have forgotten how
unless writing a poem
is like riding a bike
or swimming upstream
or loving you
it may be a habit that once aquired
is never lost
but you say i'm foolish
of course you love me
but being loved of course
is not the same as being loved because
or being loved despite
or being loved
if you love me why
do i feel so lonely
and why do i always wake up alone
and why am i practicing
not having you to love
i never loved you that way

When I Die

when i die i hope no one who ever hurt me cries
and if they cry i hope their eyes fall out
and a million maggots that had made up their brains
crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh
that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person
that i probably tried
to love

Tell Him- Lauryn Hill

aPriL

April is Poetry Appreciation month....thought I would share..

Shanelle Gabriel "Why I Love You"

Shihan "This Type Love"

Alicia Keys "P.O.W"

Most Real Love Song.

The Light - Common

I never knew a luh, luh-luh, a love like this
Gotta be somethin for me to write this
Queen, I ain't seen you in a minute
Wrote this letter, and finally decide to send it
Signed sealed delivered for us to grow together
Love has no limit, let's spend it slow forever
I know your heart is weathered by what studs did to you
I ain't gon' assault em cause I probably did it too
Because of you, feelings I handle with care
Some niggaz recognize the light but they can't handle the glare
You know I ain't the type to walk around with matchin shirts
If relationship is effort I will match your work
I wanna be the one to make you happiest, and hurt you the most
They say the end is near, it's important that we close..
.. to the most, high
Regardless of what happen on him let's rely

There are times.. when you'll need someone..
I will be by your side..
There is a light, that shines,
special for you, and me..

Yo, yo, check it
It's important, we communicate
and tune the fate of this union, to the right pitch
I never call you my bitch or even my boo
There's so much in a name and so much more in you
Few understand the union of woman and man
And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it land
But that's fly by night for you and the sky I write
For in these cold Chi night's moon, you my light
If heaven had a height, you would be that tall
Ghetto to coffee shop, through you I see that all
Let's stick to understandin and we won't fall
For better or worse times, I hope to me you call
So I pray everyday more than anything
friends will stay as we begin to lay
this foundation for a family - love ain't simple
Why can't it be anything worth having you work at annually
Granted we known each other for some time
It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine

There are times.. when you'll need someone..
I will be by your side, oh darling
There is a light, that shines,
special for you, and me..

Yeah.. yo, yo, check it
It's kinda fresh you listen to more than hip-hop
and I can catch you in the mix from beauty to thrift shop
Plus you ship hop when it's time to, thinkin you fresh
Suggestin beats I should rhyme to
At times when I'm lost I try to find you
You know to give me space when it's time to
My heart's dictionary defines you, as love and happiness
Truthfully it's hard tryin to practice abstinence
The time we committed love it was real good
Had to be for me to arrive and it still feel good
I know the sex ain't gon' keep you, but as my equal
it's how I must treat you
As my reflection in light I'ma lead you
And whatever's right, I'ma feed you
Ticka tah, ticka tah, ticka ticka tickah
Yo I tell you the rest when I see you, peace

There are times.. when you'll need someone..
I will be by your side..
There is a light, that shines,
special for you, and me..

(I'll) take my chances.. before they pass..
.. pass me by, oh darling..
You need to look at the other side..
You'll agree..

Time Machine, God Mothering, and Caramel Frapps

Time Machine - Writing Prompt From Twenty Something Writers

Happy Friday, writers!
You’ve just been given at time machine. You can only use it once, to go back to day in your past and relive it or change something. What day would you go back to, what would you change and why?

(Credit for the question goes to Amber)
*Remember to post an entry on your blog about this topic. Then, link back to this post so we can read your responses!

…..I know exactly what time and place I would like to relive in my past. I was seven years old and for some unknown reason I had my face buried in my grandmother’s hip, as she sat in our dark brown leather couch. I think my father had just yelled at me and I was very upset…yet I don’t remember if I was crying. What I do remember is my grandmother singing to me. It was a soft melody and I only remember one verse of the song… “Muñequita linda, yo te quiero mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho, hasta que morir” (My beautiful doll, I love you very much, very much, very much, until death). Sometimes when I dream the verse is different, but it always has the same meaning. I would like to relive this memory because I would like to recall every detail, I wouldn’t change one thing about that moment in time, I would just enjoy it again and try my hardest to stuff every bit of the memory into my mind. In my current read- Now Is The Time to Open Your Heart by Alice Walker I came upon a statement that made me reflect on this same moment “I am thinking of the moment something dies and how we instinctively know it. And of how we try not to know what we know because we do not yet understand how we are to negotiate change”. I believe that when I heard my grandmother sing this song, I knew I would not have much more time with her, 3 years later she passed away. I felt like this song was a gift from her to me, and it has been my sole resource when I seem to lack faith or strength during a hard time. It is my fondest memory of my childhood, no other memory compares. I discovered years later that the verse she sang to me was take from Te Quiero Dijiste….The verse that I remember were rearranged a bit but I am sure she sang the original song correctly. My memory for some reason could only recall bits of words, which it then used to form the verse and for that reason I would like to relive that moment. Possibly even bring a tape recorder with me so I could record my grandmother’s voice...

God Mothering...
........On the eve of officially becoming a God Mother, I feel the need to write down my reflections. I've endured countless hours of church, "Charla's" and lectures from my mother on what this truly means. Growing up I had no support from my "God Mother", all I have is a picture of her carrying me as a baby, while the priest blesses me with holy water. If I go from this example, easily it can be said it is simply a title. I don't judge her or hold any animosity towards her. Growing up I recall my God Mothers family feuds with my cousins; I never took sides or took part in the intense disagreements or judgment passed from one side to the other. As an innocent bystander I stood in the corner as words flung back in forth. During one occasion I recall my cousins yelling "What have you ever done for L? You never even remember her birthday or bother to see how she is doing in school", this statement caught me off guard and I felt deeply hurt. I had no idea that she was actually suppose to have a role in my life. How could I miss something I had no idea I was entitled to? -Attention and support from my God Mother. After every church meeting and charla I've reflected, what does this mean to ME and what role will I play in this child's life. I've decided against the simple title role. I've decided to be as involved as possible, because in all truth I am and will be "Mama L". With that said, much is required of me. More then simply remembering birthdays.......

I've meditated on the thoughts and actions required of me and as I sit here and type my reflection I find myself oddly prepared to take on this role. I must admit at times I'd sit during church asking myself how I was to do this. With this title I am called to not only support but help educate and guide him in religion and faith. I, of all people should not be granted this responsibility, I would find myself thinking; how if I myself don't understand it? It was during one of these moments that I realized I will be okay. Why? Because Junior often interrupts my meditation during mass and begins to shoot off questions with a force…”Why does the priest do this… why does the priest do that? Why do they close their eyes like that?...Most of the times I can answer all of Juniors questions. But when I cannot I simply tell him I will find out and so I began searching for answers to his questions. I find myself preparing for our next encounter, filling my head with knowledge about things I might not have taken the time to find out before. I want to be able to answer his questions and give him as much knowledge as I can, so he can make decisions about his faith and religion based on knowledge verses just being a follower because his mother/family are. I feel a deep sense of peace because maybe in my search for Juniors answers I can find that understanding I myself seek. I plan to learn as much as I can from my future God Child.....

Caramel Frapps.....
...........Every morning it's a race to catch the 0805 bus. Anita makes a big old worry cloud as she speeds down the roads and throws the word irresponsible around, throws in sighs here and there and says this race is no good for her blood pressure. Relax I tell her; There is no need to worry, you are only hurting yourself when you do. My passive attitude turns these worry clouds into anger clouds. I wonder if she knows another bus comes along at 0815, or that I don't have a specific time in which I have to be at work. I am sure she does, and so my passive attitude continues as we watch the bus pass us by. This particular morning I have gotten up extra early to avoid rising Anita's blood pressure, yet I still do not make it out of the house and into the car until 0800. I take a deep breath and prepare myself to speed down roads in clouds full of anger and worry. To my surprise Anita is calm as the bus passes us by, she turns to me and says “Lets not chase the bus today. I noticed a coffee and donuts place in eye sight of the bus stop. Lets get some coffee and you can jump on the 0817 one instead." I am so very tempted to pinch myself to see if I am still in bed dreaming, but I do not, instead I keep the calm and cool that has made the worry and anger clouds disappear. We walk into the coffee shop; I order a caramel frapp and place my current read down onto the counter top. "Don't forget your book" Anita tells me as I grab my frapp, kiss her on the cheek and whisper..I love you Mamita..and make my way to the bus stop....

Care Packages Writing Prompt

Writing Prompt from Twenty Something Writers

We have a writing prompt for you. This one fresh from the Katie archives.

Because you’re so darn nice, you’ve decided to put together some care packages. Ten lucky people will be getting a care package from you. In each of the care packages, there will be a book, a song, and a fortune cookie sized piece of advice.
For each of the following people, choose 1 book, 1 song, and a brief piece of advice to leave them. Explain why you chose the pieces that you did.

2 close friends
2 family members
2 fellow bloggers
2 ex-friends/significant others
2 younger people in your life (10 or more years younger than you)

Don’t forget to put enough postage on those packages. The USPS WILL return them. Trust me.

*This is a writing prompt. Post a blog entry about it on your blog, then come on back here and leave us a link to your post. As always, can’t wait to see your responses.

If you have any Writing Prompt suggestions please e-mail them to twentysomethingwriters[at]gmail[dot]com. We’re looking for any writing prompt ideas, whether they are on the subject of writing or not. Send us your ideas!

Close Friends:

• Bridget -A book I would include in your care package is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, it’s a beautiful story and I think you would find a lot of meaning in it. It’s deep like we like to be deep lol a song I would include is Bleeding Love recorded by Leona Lewis, because it brings back good memories during a rough time. The strength and friendship you showed me in the car that day was one I’ve never experienced. I said nothing would make me smile and by the end of the song my stomach hurt from so much laughing. This song reminds me of how you taught me to laugh at things gone wrong. A Piece of Advice I would send is Walk down the street in a purple/red poke a dot shirt with pink colored jeans and work it! Don’t be afraid!
  
• Gul- A book I would include in your care package is The Wise and Witty Quote Book: More than 2000 Quotes to Enlighten, Encourage, and Enjoy by Allen Klein, we both enjoy a good quote, you know we would be all over this book disecting each and every quote. A song I would include in the package is Gangsta's Paradise recorded by Coolio lol. This song is your one of your faves and you know all the words to it lol I still have a video of you rapping along to it as we sit outside of meletia in the begingings of spring trying to focus on organic chemistry lab reports. Good memories of good times :) . A piece of advice I would include is "Just do it man"lol just go for it! "I think Ill go to boston, I think Ill start a new life! " .
  

Family Members:

• Anita-This care package would contain the following book- Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh, because you tend to forget all logic when you are angry, you easily let the emotion take over and you seem to lose yourself in it. I hate to see you angry and worked up; it really takes a lot out energy out of you. I love seeing you happy and relaxed. Along with the book I would send youPalito Ortega’s version of Yo Tiengo Fé because it is our song. During the summer when I was having a rough time just living you introduced me to this song. You taught me to strengthen my faith and you helped me live happily through the tough times. I’m sending you this song back to you so you remember what you taught me and see that you guided my soul to that light I needed. Piece of Advice I would send it to Relax. I know it’s easier said then done, but try.
  
• Jovan-This care package would contain the following book- The Giver by Lois Lowry. I know you probably would throw it to the side because you don’t like reading but this book is important to me. It was the first book to open me up to reading. I hated reading before, just like you, but like I’ve told you before reading can take you all over the world! There is a new adventure found in each one! A song I would send along with the book is Satin Doll recorded by Duke Ellington. You always surprise me when it comes to your musical taste. You embrace everything I expose you too yet still keep your individuality and that truly impresses me about you! This song was the reason why I told you to keep playing the trumpet, so one day I could kick back and listen to you play it just for me. Thank you for always making your sister smile. One piece of advice I would give you is always stay true to you, you already do that very well, continue doing it littlebrah, don’t lost it!

Fellow Bloggers:

• L. B-Niema
  This care package would contain the following book - So Far From God by Ana Castillo because it is my absolute favorite. Why? I have yet to understand and maybe you can help me figure it out. I can only send you one song?! Can I send you a whole 16GBIPod worth of songs instead? Alright if I had to pick just one it would be Amy Winehouse- Rehab. This song totally made me see you in a different light. Up until then we didn ’t really talk about music much, but after we connected on this song you have introduced me to amazing artists, I will admit you know how to satisfy my music taste buds like no one else! A piece of advice I would send in the package is something I’ve told you before- Stay away from the yogurt in DW’s office! Sike I would say embrace being taken out of your element and see it as a blessing.
  
• Napoleon Suarez
  A book-short story I would include in your care package is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by F. Scott Fitzgerald ,it would be interesting if we both read the short story and had a long discussion about which we preferred, the film or the short story. A song I would send in the care package is Be recorded by Common, I’m not sure why I just feel like it would be appropriate and chill for a future film night :). Some advice I would include is to avoid being asked question about films, back track the film to the beginning!Lol

Ex's:

• J
  I would send you a copy of Letters to a young poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. I lost your copy and I still feel bad about it. I would also send it again so you could reread it. There is so much goodness in the words and passages written by Rilke, I think you might have skipped over some of the advice he gives. A song I would send you is Lip Gloss by Lil’ Mama, you were such a dork singing that song all the time! But I admired your courage to be that dork in public. Some advice I would send you would be the following: Having 30 people’s perspective on your life decisions can only leave you confused. Learn to talk to yourself.
  
• R
  A book I would include in your package is one I asked you to read before- The Deeper Wound: Recovering the Soul from Fear and Suffering byDeepak Chopra. I picked that book for you because it taught me alot and I know it could speak volumes to you as well,One being the importance of individuality and taking time to understand yourself first. A song I would include is Better Together by Jack Johnson, it reminds me of the early good times in our relationship and I hope someday we can let go of any animosity and be friends. A piece of advice I would send is Let go of all YOUR anger and pain, be more aware of others around you, realize others hurt too and try to find out why. Don't let your anger and pain continue to blind you.
  

Youngin's:

• Brenda
  I would include Frida by Barbara Mujica. I know you love to read and you love art as well. I am picking this book to include in your package because I see a little me in you. It’s hard to grow up in our family where we are expected to pursue “money making” careers, rather then what we truly are passionate about. I hope that if you read aboutFrida and her art, you will be inspired to never let anyone tell you to pursue art as a hobby and not as your life ambition. With that said the advice I would include is obvious, pursue something you love, verses something that will “make you bank”. A song I would include is La Bomb byAzul Azul, I remember you as a baby dancing and singing to this song. It brings back good memories :)
  
• Sindy
  I know you will be next in the family to enroll into college and graduate, so this is a good way for me to plan the care packages I will be sending while you are away. A book that I would include in your package is Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. It’s one of my favorites and I think reading it during your college years will bring more meaning and understanding to your journey. A song I would include is Loque paso, paso recorded by Daddy Yankee lol I plan to request this song at your Quinceañera and make you dance with me lol, Yes in front of all your friends! . My advice would be don’t ever forget la familia, we will always be there for you no matter what.

Dois Irmãos feat. Mariana de Moraes - Como Vou Fazer

*Makes me Smile Big :)

Blessed

In no particular order,things that make me feel truly happy and blessed.

1.Playing "Guess Which Hand" with my God Daughter.
Normally she doesn't care to much for me , shes still in her "My momma is the only one that should be picking me up or playing with me" stage. Yet, she cant resist the shiny quarter I hold in front of her. She rushes to me and begins examining me, each move I make is vital to whether she will move closer and attempt to take the quarter from me. After a few seconds she reaches in for the quarter, I move my hand back and wrap the quarter in my fist. I ask her which hand she thinks it is in, and she points to the right one. We play this game over and over again, its the first time I make her smile and laugh. I finally give her the quarter and she retreats back to her mothers side. Luckily I have one dollar in quarters so I persuade her back to my side with another shiny quarter. I end up giving her 75 cents, I keep the remaining quarter because we are in the mall near a gumball machine. At this point she seems to have made her mind up to trust me because we race to the gumball machine together. I ask her where her money is and she begins to take her shoe off. I thought she might have misunderstood me, but as soon as the shoe is off I see three tiny quarters.

2. Friday Nights spent with my 12 year old brother.
I've spent many Friday nights in the club or with friends, but the ones I most enjoy are with my younger brother. We sit around and watch a movie or play guitar hero.Many suggest I should be out and about in the social scene, bar hopping, meeting new people, and making new friends. But what makes me truly happy is getting to know my younger brother and being there for him, letting him know that I am not just his sister, I am his friend. With that said I have acquired a great deal of Guitar Hero skills, love the Disney channel, and know that Miley Ciris is Hannah Montana!

3. Reading a book and coming to a page that has evidence it was once folded in half.

4. My fathers evident attempts to becoming a better person.
On a Monday night about a month ago, I told my father how sad I was that Lila Downs would not be touring in DC. He turned to me and told me I was dumb for being sad and that Lila Downs is a horrible singer. Needless to say I felt stupid for even mentioning anything to him at all. Today though, he surprised me and gave me all these facts about Lila Downs, and he even knew her tour schedule.

5. Reading while my mother watches her telenovelas or black and white Mexican films.

6.Window seat in the back of the bus, it does matter if its on the left or the right. I pull out my current read and pause once in a while to look out the window. The bus always takes the same route, we pass the same homes, the same buildings and the same businesses. But to me, it is always beautiful .

What makes you feel blessed and happy?

Rancheras De Mi Alma

A dark venue with a dim spotlight on the stage.
I sit on a chair made of maple wood.
The table made of the same dark maple wood displays additional scars that belong to various visitors, each one contains its own tale.
Craved names and spots of dried food that were never cleaned.
An antique.
I sit in the dark with a bottle of Corralejo tequila.
A small shot glass keeps the bottle company, while the lime and salt laugh at my need for them and my sensitivity to the strong liquor.
The only other person in this venue is the bartender,
busy wiping down the freshly washed glasses with a cotton towel.
The only sound to be heard is the cotton touching the surface of the wet glass, absorbing the water and whooshing back in for more.
The sound of a guitar begins to break the silence,
I stare down at my shot glass and look deep into the strong liquor,
raise the glass to my lips and without hesitation I throw the whole contents of the shot glass into my mouth.
I let it burn down my throat.
The guitar soon has company as it plays along to strong vocals.
Each word held out long and hard enough to express the pain or pride the vocalist feels.
You cant sing a ranchera until you experience the sorrow or pride the song is referring too.
At this point I am sure that I could be the best singer of any ranchera.
Ranchera was a name derived from the word rancho,
Mi ranchito, my ranch,and how do I explain a ranchera in English?
Soul, blues, felt deep in your heart.
These songs once touched my grandmother deeply and she too sang them with heart,
My father, mother, aunts and uncles all sing them with heart.
Mi cultura, our way of expressing our sorrow.
When my heart aches, this is where I dream to be.
In a dark venue with my shot glass and bottle of tequila.
Music and tequila to drown my sorrow in, thinking that possibly
I will awake the next day a new person, fresh and with a new heart.
Sadly the only thing new about the next day is the throbbing in my head,
which now seems to throb at the same rhythm as my heart.
My love for this sorrow so deeply rooted in my love for my culture.
How else do I explain a ranchera?

El Principio (The begining):

Tu Recuerdo y Yo
Written and recorded by: José Alfredo Jiménez

Estoy en el rincon de una cantina,
oyendo una cancion que yo pedi,
me estan sirviendo ahorita mi tequila,
ya va mi pensamiento rumbo a ti.

I am sitting in the corner of a bar,
Hearing a song that I asked to be played,
They are serving me my tequila,
My thoughts are on there way towards you.
Yo se que tu recuerdo es mi desgracia,
y vengo aqui nomas a recordar,
que amargas son las cosas que nos pasan,
cuando hay una mujer que paga mal.
I know that your memory is my misfortune,
and I come here just to remmeber you,
How sour are the things that happen to us,
When there is a women that does you wrong.
Quien no sabe en esta vida,
la traicion tan conocida,
que nos deja un mal amor,
quien no llega a la cantina,
exigiendo su tequila,
y exigiendo su cancion.
Who doesnt know of this life and the familar betraly that
id left with us after a painful love,
Who doesnt come to the bar,
Demanding their tequila and their song.
Me estan sirviendo ya la del estribo,
ahorita ya no se si tengo fe,
ahorita solamente ya les pido,
que toque otra vez "La que se fue".

They are now serving me the last drink,
Right now I dont know if I have any faith,
Right now I only know that I want the band to play again
"The one that left"

Paving the way for woman in the world of Racheras

Un Mundo Raro
Escrito por José Alfredo Jiménez
Recorded by: Chavela Vargas

cuando te hablen de amor y de ilusiones
y te ofrezcan un sol y un cielo entero
si te acuerdas de mi no me menciones
porque vas a sentir amor del bueno
When they speak to you of love and illusions
And they offer you the sun and the entire sky
If you remember me, please don’t mention me,
Because you will feel what good love was like
Y si quieren saber de tu pasado
es preciso decir una mentira
di que vienes de alla de un mundo raro
que no sabes llorar
que no entiendes de amor
y que nunca has amado
And if they want to know about your past
Its important you tell them a lie
Tell them that you’ve come from a strange world far away
That you don’t know about crying
That you don’t understand love
And that you’ve never loved
porque yo adonde voy
hablare de tu amor
como un sueo dorado
y olvidando el rencor
no dire que tu adios me volvio desgraciado
Because where ever I go
I will speak of your love
Like it was a golden dream
And Ill forget any grudge that I used to hold
I wont say that your farewell left me miserable
y si quieren saber de mi pasado
es preciso decir otra mentira
les dire que llegue de un mundo raro
que no se del dolor
que triunfe en el amor
y que nunca he llorado
And if they want to know about my past
It’s important to tell another lie
I will say that I’ve come from a strange world
That I don’t know about pain
That I triumpted in love
And that I’ve never cried

Modern Day Woman in Rancheras

Recorded by: Lila Downs

Modern Day Ranchera - The Evolution


Eres como una mariposa
Vuelas y te posas vas de boca en boca
Facil y ligera de quien te provoca

You are like a butterfly
You fly and you rest yourself from mouth to mouth
Easy and loose to those that provoke you
Yo soy raton de tu ratonera
Trampa que no mata pero no libera
Vivo muriendo prisionero
Mariposa traicionera
Todo se lo lleva el viento
Mariposa no regreso
I am a mouse in your mousehole
A Trap that doesn't kill, but doesn't liberate
I live dying a prisoner
Betraying butterfly
The wind takes away everything
Butterfly, I won't return to you
Ay, mariposa de amor,
Mi mariposa de amor
Ya no regreso contigo
Ay, mariposa de amor,
Mi mariposa de amor
Nunca jamas junto a ti
Ay, butterfly of love,
My butterfly of love
I won't return to you
Ay, butterfly of love,
My butterfly of love
Never again next to you
Vuela amor, vuela dolor
Y no regreses a un lado
Ya vete de flor en flor
seduciendo a los pistilos
Y vuela cerca del sol
Pa' que sientas lo que es dolor
Fly, love; fly, pain
And don't return by my side
Just leave now, go from flower to flower
Seducing the pistils
And fly near the sun
So you feel what pain is Ay, mujer como haces daño
Pasan los minutos cual si fueran años
Mira estos celos me estan matando
Ay, woman, how you cause harm
Minutes pass like they were years
Look, these jealousy is killing me
Ay, mujer que facil eres
Abres tu alitas, musculos de colores
Donde se posan tus amores
Mariposa traicionera
Todo se lo lleva el viento
Mariposa no regreso
Ay, woman, how easy you are
You open your wings, colorful muscles
Where your lovers rest
Betraying butterfly
The wind takes everything
Butterly, I won't return to you
Vuela amor, vuela dolor
Que tengas suerte en tu vida
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay dolor
Yo te llore todo un rio
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay amor
Tu te me vas a volar
Fly, love; fly, pain
I wish you the best of luck life
Ay, ay, ay, ay, pain
I cried a whole river for you
Ay, ay, ay, ay, love
You're going to fly from me

El Rosario

Escrito Por: Varinia Flores

I drop my backpack to the hard wooden floor and proceed to throw my tired body on to the bed.
I look around at the walls full of pictures of my nieces and nephews. Some black and white , others color. One particular photograph was taken by me. It hangs proudly and very distinctly from the others. Possibly because it is a part of me. My vision and my idea. It is a close up of my niece. Shes looking right into the camera as her baby soft hair slightly covers her left eye. Shes smiling, I remember asking her to pose for a picture that day, except this picture was taken when she wasn't trying to pose. When she was just enjoying a Sunday fall afternoon tossing around in the leaves and dry grass.

My rosary is burning a hole in my pocket as I stand in front of this image. I reach for the control and lay my head back to surf through the endless satellite channels. When I come to terms with the fact that I might just suffer a thumb cramp from all the clicking I come across the perfect channel! National Geographic- Documentary on photojournalism! Ahhh my escape I think and upon selecting the channel I'm prompted with the following " You are currently not subscribed to this channel, please contact your dish provider" USELESS! your USELESS! I yell at the control, as the rosary continues to burn a hole in my pocket threatening me with a 3rd degree burn. I can hear the soft mumbling voices in a melodramatic tone coming from the next room. My mothers pleas do a quick jog around my mind. My aunts lectures began a long distance marathon in my mind and my father and cousins faces cheer both of them on. Maybe its the frustration of these pleas and lectures in my mind, but I swear the Rosario in my pocket begins to mumble. I feel it moving around tossing and turning in a violent panic. I hesitate a bit but finally reach into my pocket. I feel around and grab my chap stick, but feel the distinct cold touch of the smooth glass Rosario beads. It wraps tightly around my finger like a tiny newborns hand would. I had no other choice but to pull it out of my pocket and allow it to breathe. The voices are louder as they have broken into a no rhythm song, at this point I am convinced they don't know the meaning of beat . Each voice can be heard distinctly and I can tell who is singing and who is just mumbling along. I smile at the thought of my younger cousins mumbling to this song they don't know the meaning to. All they know and have been told is that its the right thing to do, that they should do it, that if they don't they aren't good little boys and girls, I imagine their angry faces of boredom and my aunts pinching away shooting death stares after every other prayer, I cant help but to laugh out loud, a deep laugh that makes my whole body shake. I can hear little me in the mix, in a half asleep high pitched voice. 1/4 annoyed, 1/4 bitter, 1/4 enraged and finally 1/4 deeply rooted in the words I don't know the meaning to.

I'm to young and too busy annoyed at the fact that I am missing the ninja turtles marathon, or Jerry setting up a trap that Tom will surely fall for like a damn fool. Too busy with these thoughts that I don't look around and see the peace that streams from each adult body present in the room. How tightly their eyes are shut, how fast their lips move and how tightly they clench their Rosario. A thought jolts in my mind, if I could be five again I would stand in front of my kneeling aunt and watch her very closely, observing every part of this ritual she does, Id even reach in and poke her eyelids to see if I could break into this deep peace she would be in. I could see her now, angry as a bull being poked and disturbed, shed reach out grab my arms and kneel me next to her. I'd want to ask her what I am doing on this cold floor, I'd want to ask her what I should be saying now that I am on my knees, and I'd want to ask her how I could get to this state of peace she is in, but I don't. I just kneel and think that this is punishment, that this is just as unfair as Tom never wining against Jerry! and so I plot to someday draw up an episode where Tom wins and finally eats Jerry! Stupid mouse.

I'm 22 and I have yet to draw out the plot where Jerry gets eaten, I have set up many scenarios but none have been great enough to reach the paper. All these scenarios thought up during hours of catechism classes, first communion, confirmation and any other "Charlas" which my mother thinks I might need. None ever made much sense to me and led to the following letter at the age of 15, after being confirmed:

Dear God,

If that is your name, I don't get it. Please send me more information then enraged teachers throwing words I don't understand from the bible, Please send me more information then a frustrated mother, father and aunts. I want to get you, I really do but I don't get them and I don't get how they explain you. Help me find you, because I cant seem to find you through them. What I do know is that I am very afraid of you, afraid to write these thoughts down, will you punish me? will you send me to hell when I die because I don't get it?

Signed
A Potential Believer

P.S Please don't send me to hell just yet, consider the fact that I am being honest.

At this point my mother and aunt are reaching the finish line in my mind. They are about to win the race as my feet leave the room with the useless dish network and photographs of my nieces and nephews. Like a shy 3 year old hanging on to their mother I peak into the room and notice everyone in a zen like trance. No off beat singing, no broken up loud prayer, just a room full of adults and children with their heads bowed, on their knees, eyes closed and silent. I don't join them, I just stand there trying to explain to myself what it is there feeling, trying to stare hard enough to see through their flesh and bones and into there souls. I remain unnoticed as the silence continues. Why flashes in and out of my mind followed by what followed by has them on their knees.

The silence breaks and a soft soothing hum comes from my aunt, it forces me to close my eyes. I open them and I find myself in my room in our old house on Jennings road. The lights are off except for a small lamp. I am not alone, a women sits on the other side of the bed, I cant recognize her but she is humming and moving the Rosario beads in between her fingers. I want to reach for her to see if I can make out who she is but I cant move. I just sit there watching her, hearing her, observing her. Suddenly her Rosario breaks and tears begin to roll down her face and I sense a deep pain inside me, I don't know what is causing this pain but its strong enough to bring me to tears. I cant stop my sobbing, and she doesn't stop sobbing. "Mija no llores" ( Daughter don't cry) she says as she turns to me and proves that I am not a ghost. She bends down to pick up the beads and holds them out for me to see. I look deep into her face and I know who she is, mi abuelita. How could I have forgotten her prayers each night before she laid next to me. "Mira Mija, todo se puede con un poquito de fe. Nada se queda deshecho por mucho tiempo, veras que pronto con fe el rosario se arreglar." ( Look daughter, with a little bit of faith everything is possible. Nothing remains broken for to long. You will see soon that with faith the rosario will be fixed). She kisses my forehead and turns back around to continue her prayer. I continue to stare at her and notice she isn't mi abuelita anymore, but my tia on her knees with the rest of my family. I take a step into the room and kneel next to my aunt.."Es la fe y con fe"( It is Faith, and with Faith) I repeat over and over again..."Es la fe y con fe"( It is faith, and with Faith)...

La Cumbia Del Mole

Lila Downs

On Wanting More.

Naila
Lila Downs

En una noche de luna
Naila lloraba ante mi
Ella me hablaba con ternura
Puso en mis labios su dulzura
Yo le decia porque lloraba
Y ella me contesto asi

Ya me embriague con otro hombre
Ya no soy Naila para ti
Ya me embriague con otro hombre
Ya no soy Naila para ti

Naila, di porque me abandonas
Tonta, si bien sabes que te quiero
Vuelve a mi, ya no busques
Otros senderos
Te perdono, porque sin tu amor
Se me parte el corazón

Naila, di porque me abandonas
Tonta, si bien sabes que te quiero
Vuelve a mi, ya no busques
Otros senderos
Te perdono, porque sin tu amor
Se me parte el corazón

Translation:

One full moon

Naila cried unto me

She spoke to me tenderly

She placed her sweetness onto my lips

And I asked her why she cried

And she responded like this….

I have been intoxicated by another man

I am no longer Naila for you

I have been intoxicated by another manI am no longer

Naila for you

Nalia, tell why you’re abandoning me

Fool, if you know very well I love you

Come back to me,

Don’t go looking for other pathways

I forgive you,

because without your love,

my heart breaks in half.

Overflowing.

New Piece: La Lucha (The Fight)
Mixed Media on Canvas

Blessed. I close my eyes and soak in the deep feeling. What is this, I think as my eyes feel weary but my body feels warmth all over. Taking in a deep breath is like drinking from a water hole made only for me, full of all the most wonderful flavors in the world. I had no idea I could feel like this, I continue with my thoughts and I can’t help but allow my lips to display a smile. Thoughts full of faces with smiles and conversations with these faces bring about more warmth. Why is it that I haven’t felt this before? Why is it I feel it now? At this point I am laying on my back staring at the ceiling deep within my thoughts. Time is non existent and the world around me moves as I lay still. I am still connected to the world and the world is connected to me. Never have I felt such a deep connection. A small note sits on top of my backpack. In it are my reasons for bliss, for this new found feeling of connection, for this deep and warm feeling of being blessed by the world and having blessed the world. Each word written by a different hand. Hands of all those that love and support me. I've been searching for this all my life, yet it’s always been there. The words that I thought I needed to fuel me, to help me through life, have always been there, and have always been written down on this small piece of paper. What makes today different? I ask a small nail hole in the ceiling. What allows me to finally see the words on this paper that I always assumed was blank? I scan the ceiling for answers. I feel the warmth all over my body yet again and realize that I am open. No longer closed. I can see because I've allowed. I can feel this warmth because I let it finally reach me. I didn't stop it with words of self doubt, fear of lies, fear of pain, and fear of being hurt. I have allowed these hands to write words I can now read. I have always been blessed, but I allowed my walls of self doubt and fear to block this thought. I have opened myself up and shown others my passions, my goals, my dreams, no longer afraid that they may be rejected or taken from me; leaving me lifeless, soulless, without purpose. I inspire those hands with my dreams and passions, and they inspire me to keep dreaming. I stare deep in between the words and I can see the faces of my family and friends that tell me everyday just how much I mean to them. We are helping each other, one filling the gaps in holes in the other. I feel the words fill me with this warmth, comfort, support, like a soft reassuring touch from my grandmother. Thank you, my heart screams, thank you. Blessed.

Yo Envidio El Viento
Lila Downs

On Letting Go.

New Piece: Untitled

Spray Paint on Canvas

Above is the result of attempting new things, new styles, new techniques. This is my first attempt at stenciling....It requires a lot of patience as well as viewing objects in a different perspective. Viewing images at a very basic level, down to shapes in black and white. For my images I used a razor and cut them out on blank white paper, then taking the newly made stencil and spray painted it on canvas. I did not trace the images. For the firearm I looked at the image on the computer and decided which sections to cut from the blank sheet of paper. It was like molding and drawing with a razor. I have found a new love for cutting. Seeing an image appear from a blank sheet of paper....creating something from simple shapes and having the image make sense. I love creating something unique...its bringing something new into the world. There might be a similar image but with art nothing is every EXACTLY the same. With this being my first attempt I was very pleased, at first afraid that I might not be able to view things in a different perspective, but in the end extremely pleased. A good friend introduced me to the world of graffiti, and I can honestly say that I envy her style sometimes. So free with images she creates, from silly ugly monsters to beautiful portraits, I find myself comparing my work to hers asking why I cant let go of my idea of "perfection" why I cant let go of my idea of the "norm" ; what looks beautiful to everyone instead of what pleases me. At times I find myself expecting so much from my art, forcing my creativity, or forcing my hand to create something that is identical to the images I see in the world. That leads me no where. It limits my creativity, stunts my abilities to create something unique. I close my eyes and envision nothing, just darkness, I ask for nothing and I expect nothing and I see nothing. I clear my mind and allow myself to let go....let go of all ideals, of all things...and just create....What I realize is that all art is perfection, all art is beautiful no matter how "different" it might look.....My friend and I laugh as she says "You NEVER have any ideas of what to do when we start painting"...."Yea" I reply with a laugh as I stare at my new piece with great pride..."I don't".

Some of you might not like this new piece, but that isn't what is important. What is important is that I've created something new, something that pleases me immensely. I'm not looking to become a world famous artist, or to be admired by all; I just want to create...create things that come from within me. With this said this piece was promised to one of my very close friends, its very hard to part with this piece, so much that I was considering not letting go of it.....but then I thought....what good would it be to me if it stayed within the four walls of my bedroom? There is someone out there that WANTS to have a piece of me and display that piece and appreciate that piece, why should I hold on to that piece? I have the ability to create....so letting go should be just as beautiful as creating it....Just the same blessing....Its OK to let go...In the end you will always have that memory....that can never be taken from you....

Smile

Recorded By: Madeleine Peyroux

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though its breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, whats the use of crying

Youll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile.....