Time Machine, God Mothering, and Caramel Frapps

Time Machine - Writing Prompt From Twenty Something Writers

Happy Friday, writers!
You’ve just been given at time machine. You can only use it once, to go back to day in your past and relive it or change something. What day would you go back to, what would you change and why?

(Credit for the question goes to Amber)
*Remember to post an entry on your blog about this topic. Then, link back to this post so we can read your responses!

…..I know exactly what time and place I would like to relive in my past. I was seven years old and for some unknown reason I had my face buried in my grandmother’s hip, as she sat in our dark brown leather couch. I think my father had just yelled at me and I was very upset…yet I don’t remember if I was crying. What I do remember is my grandmother singing to me. It was a soft melody and I only remember one verse of the song… “Muñequita linda, yo te quiero mucho, mucho, mucho, mucho, hasta que morir” (My beautiful doll, I love you very much, very much, very much, until death). Sometimes when I dream the verse is different, but it always has the same meaning. I would like to relive this memory because I would like to recall every detail, I wouldn’t change one thing about that moment in time, I would just enjoy it again and try my hardest to stuff every bit of the memory into my mind. In my current read- Now Is The Time to Open Your Heart by Alice Walker I came upon a statement that made me reflect on this same moment “I am thinking of the moment something dies and how we instinctively know it. And of how we try not to know what we know because we do not yet understand how we are to negotiate change”. I believe that when I heard my grandmother sing this song, I knew I would not have much more time with her, 3 years later she passed away. I felt like this song was a gift from her to me, and it has been my sole resource when I seem to lack faith or strength during a hard time. It is my fondest memory of my childhood, no other memory compares. I discovered years later that the verse she sang to me was take from Te Quiero Dijiste….The verse that I remember were rearranged a bit but I am sure she sang the original song correctly. My memory for some reason could only recall bits of words, which it then used to form the verse and for that reason I would like to relive that moment. Possibly even bring a tape recorder with me so I could record my grandmother’s voice...

God Mothering...
........On the eve of officially becoming a God Mother, I feel the need to write down my reflections. I've endured countless hours of church, "Charla's" and lectures from my mother on what this truly means. Growing up I had no support from my "God Mother", all I have is a picture of her carrying me as a baby, while the priest blesses me with holy water. If I go from this example, easily it can be said it is simply a title. I don't judge her or hold any animosity towards her. Growing up I recall my God Mothers family feuds with my cousins; I never took sides or took part in the intense disagreements or judgment passed from one side to the other. As an innocent bystander I stood in the corner as words flung back in forth. During one occasion I recall my cousins yelling "What have you ever done for L? You never even remember her birthday or bother to see how she is doing in school", this statement caught me off guard and I felt deeply hurt. I had no idea that she was actually suppose to have a role in my life. How could I miss something I had no idea I was entitled to? -Attention and support from my God Mother. After every church meeting and charla I've reflected, what does this mean to ME and what role will I play in this child's life. I've decided against the simple title role. I've decided to be as involved as possible, because in all truth I am and will be "Mama L". With that said, much is required of me. More then simply remembering birthdays.......

I've meditated on the thoughts and actions required of me and as I sit here and type my reflection I find myself oddly prepared to take on this role. I must admit at times I'd sit during church asking myself how I was to do this. With this title I am called to not only support but help educate and guide him in religion and faith. I, of all people should not be granted this responsibility, I would find myself thinking; how if I myself don't understand it? It was during one of these moments that I realized I will be okay. Why? Because Junior often interrupts my meditation during mass and begins to shoot off questions with a force…”Why does the priest do this… why does the priest do that? Why do they close their eyes like that?...Most of the times I can answer all of Juniors questions. But when I cannot I simply tell him I will find out and so I began searching for answers to his questions. I find myself preparing for our next encounter, filling my head with knowledge about things I might not have taken the time to find out before. I want to be able to answer his questions and give him as much knowledge as I can, so he can make decisions about his faith and religion based on knowledge verses just being a follower because his mother/family are. I feel a deep sense of peace because maybe in my search for Juniors answers I can find that understanding I myself seek. I plan to learn as much as I can from my future God Child.....

Caramel Frapps.....
...........Every morning it's a race to catch the 0805 bus. Anita makes a big old worry cloud as she speeds down the roads and throws the word irresponsible around, throws in sighs here and there and says this race is no good for her blood pressure. Relax I tell her; There is no need to worry, you are only hurting yourself when you do. My passive attitude turns these worry clouds into anger clouds. I wonder if she knows another bus comes along at 0815, or that I don't have a specific time in which I have to be at work. I am sure she does, and so my passive attitude continues as we watch the bus pass us by. This particular morning I have gotten up extra early to avoid rising Anita's blood pressure, yet I still do not make it out of the house and into the car until 0800. I take a deep breath and prepare myself to speed down roads in clouds full of anger and worry. To my surprise Anita is calm as the bus passes us by, she turns to me and says “Lets not chase the bus today. I noticed a coffee and donuts place in eye sight of the bus stop. Lets get some coffee and you can jump on the 0817 one instead." I am so very tempted to pinch myself to see if I am still in bed dreaming, but I do not, instead I keep the calm and cool that has made the worry and anger clouds disappear. We walk into the coffee shop; I order a caramel frapp and place my current read down onto the counter top. "Don't forget your book" Anita tells me as I grab my frapp, kiss her on the cheek and whisper..I love you Mamita..and make my way to the bus stop....