Special Guest....

I'd like to share two amazing poems,
by the lovely and talented J.M.

Gay Enough

What is “gay enough” to be real

for the first time this week

in black and white

i was asked

what is your sexual identity?

(side bar: this information of course was optional to disclose and yet the mere fact that it was written on this application means you want to know and now it’s really no longer optional for me to think about how you’ll react, nor is optional to not think about)

and i stared at that blank line

and felt blank inside

well, not blank, but unanswerable for the first time

that privilege not to think about it, not to hesitate about the answer

was gone

one line isn’t long enough for my life story

my coming out

my own internal debate in my head to label myself

why do I need to label myself

i know who i am and it does not fit on a line

but because you’re confused

and you don’t understand

i am forced to find a word to put on that line

to make you feel better, to help you understand

how is it that you can date a man

call him the one

then abandon the idea and fall in love with a woman

you want to call me a lesbian

and i do, do, do love the way my heart beats with hers

you want to call me a confused straight woman

because i still do love him, love him to the core

you question, you ask

what are you

who am i

i am perfect my mother says

i’m perfect she says

i’m perfect

put that on your line

11.8.08

Some Equation

i can’t ignore, some equation

i’ve been waiting to solve and choose

catholic school + catholic school + catholic school

= 25 years to realize i am gay

and it’s weird to say that because

well, i’ve thought about men for a long, long time

the white dress, the big house, and the picket fence

so how does that honor the word

the struggle

the fight

of the women i now love

how does that misdirect the privilege i’ve had for a long, long time

wait

the privilege i still have

because maybe I’m not gay enough

to scream it to the whole world

and i’m scared to share my story

it’s still too short to tell, all the details are not there

i don’t want you to think, no,

i don’t want to be a disabled fuck

after you wake up next to me and realize

wait

you haven’t been gay your whole life

wait

this wasn’t always your reality

and then you leave

in fear that i’d leave you first to return to that privilege

the white dress, the big house, and the picket fence

like I’m not strong enough, gay enough

to release myself from that past

and into your beautiful body

that makes my own body tremble

11.8.08

*When I read poems like these, I thank god he surrounded me with such talent...Expression is everything...even if the words don't come out just how you had them formulated in your mind...That just makes them even more unique....Thank you J.M. for sharing your form of expression...