Remedy For An Addiction...

Here I go again with this need to let my pen bleed...
All the words, thoughts and dreams my mind can no longer conceal,
See my thoughts words and dreams exceed every force and attempt to lead a simple kind of life.
I find my pen writing hard on this paper in hopes that my thoughts, words, and dreams express and release on this sheet.
In hopes that I bleed all the LOVE that I hold in my words, thoughts and dreams upon this sheet,
May it bleed,
Bleed through the paper and quickly disappear,
Because I can no longer hold it all in,
I struggle to live that simple kind of life with these useless words, thoughts and dreams.
Words, thoughts and dreams about her.
Her presence, her essence, they consume me, but most of all her absence brings me to my knees.
Ive contemplated a possible obsession,
But I can feel its quickly moved into an addiction.
An addiction to her words,
To the way her lips move,
To the way her body communicates her thoughts,
To her smile.
I find myself searching every pair of eyes I meet to hold a similar glance,
I pray to find a similar smile,
I pray for a release.
I'm tired of painting, I'm tired of writing, I'm tired of thinking but most of all I'm tired of dreaming.
Its like my body oozes out everything I cannot express to her directly.
All the love I seem to have bottled up.
A painting won't do,
A poem, a verse leads no where,
A thought, a dream only seems to further the addiction.
Where do I find the remedy?
Maybe in her absence,
Yes I am certain,
But why is it that I still can't breathe?

*Random thought: I recognized a girl from my elementary school days on the bus ride home. I wasn't sure if it was her at first but then I noticed that as shes deep in thought she smiles. As a child she used to do that and I only know because she use to sit alone on the bus and we all thought she was weird because she always randomly smiled alone...to the air....Secretly I envied her because she could smile...

Im really not as emo as I may seem, when I mean I envied her because she could smile I really mean that back then I envied the fact that she was different, the fact that she was content with being alone or at least seemed like it. As a child I always found myself trying to do everything in my power to please people....to conform and be part of the crowd rather than an individual. I always found myself staring at her wondering what she could be thinking....

I use to have a Xanga in my early college years, its funny to see how much Ive grown and how little I still know... LOL....as for my short/long verses....there just a way to ease my heart...